To read Part I, please click here.

So, like I said, Roscoe was not amused with Carla and I’s innocent comments to one another. But why should I care? Well, let me tell you a little about Roscoe (and another future player in this epic tale of woe).

One night, me and some of my coworkers from the bookstore went to a coworker’s apartment for a night of, well, serious drinking. Carla, who was drinking Malibu Rum straight from the bottle, was in a partial embrace with another coworker of ours named Julian. Julian had been chugging Budweiser pounders and was muttering half-baked ideas about life and art. Now, despite the fact that Carla was dating Roscoe and that Julian was engaged, Julian decided to plant a kiss on Carla and slip her some tongue. Carla was shocked and appalled.

Within a few days time, Roscoe found out about the kissing incident and made a surprise visit to the bookstore (Carla was at home; Julian was working). Roscoe approached Julian in the kids’ area, grabbed him by the throat, pressed him against a flimsy prop tree, and smacked Julian around a bit about the face.

Now, I generally like to live my life with the least amount of face beatings as possible, so I stopped writing comments on Carla’s MySpace page. In the meantime, Roscoe got a job working on a film in Canada and was to be away for a few months. Carla quickly forgave Roscoe for beating up Julian, and everything was fine between them. That is until a Canadian girl named Dawn started leaving comments on Roscoe’s MySpace page.

Continued in Part III

This tale of woe began four years ago and spans a decent amount of time. For your sake and mine I will try to truncate this tale the best I can, leaving all the tangential matter to your imaginations.

So, it begins…

Sometime in 2005, I joined MySpace. I set up my profile page, complete with a few pictures taken of myself by myself (standard protocol for bachelors who live alone), and wrote what I considered a very witty “About Me” section (it wasn’t). I added a few friends, most of whom were coworkers of mine at the bookstore where I worked, and sent out a few comments. One friend I added was a coworker named Carla.

Carla was what most people would call a “Goth.” Dark-eyes, long dyed-black hair, black skirt and stockings, and lily-white skin (lily-white: a cliche to be sure, but she was, alas, a lover of lilies). Unlike most Gothic types, however, she had a good sense of humor and seemed only moderately inclined to brooding. She had a boyfriend named Roscoe (of course, I’m not using real names here, but his real name is equally ridiculous–apologies to any Roscoe’s out there), and he was a makeup artist in the movie industry. They had been dating for some time, about two years if I recall correctly, and Roscoe was a member of MySpace too.

Keep in mind that this was back when most MySpace profiles were kept on the “public” setting. In other words, everyone looked at everyone else’s profile whether they were your “friend” or not.

So, Carla and I started exchanging harmless comments to one another. But apparently Roscoe didn’t find them all that harmless.

Continued in Part II

It’s been about a week since I deleted the “Epic Woe” posts, and let me tell you, the fallout over my decision to remove those posts has been substantial. I was wholly unprepared for the strong reactions those posts provoked, and in my eagerness to avoid complications, I took the posts down. I now feel that I was wrong to do so.

First, I’m sure I broke some kind of blogger code by deleting the posts. Of course, rules such as this one rarely concern me, so this principle alone did not finalize my decision to re post. Second, and more importantly, it’s my life that I’m writing about, and I strongly think that I have every right to post whatever I feel like posting.

There are, however, a few unwritten rules that I try to follow, which I will now list: I try not to be mean, I try not to rant or whine, I try to be honest in my often-unflattering depictions of myself, and I try to put facts first and remain as objective as possible.

Finally, these stories are meant to be funny (in a sense); if you don’t find them funny, then don’t read this blog.

I will re post the “Epic Woe” stories, now slightly edited, in the next few days. I plan on finishing this lengthy tale quickly so I can move on to other stories. Please stay tuned.