To begin with a terribly clichéd opening statement, the Oxford English Dictionary defines “ordeal” in the following way:

2. Anything which acts as a test, or severely tests character or endurance. Hence more generally: a painful, trying, or unhappy experience, esp. a protracted one.

This, I think, is a fair definition. But to truly understand this word, one should also look at its original definition:

1. Law. A practice of trial in which an accused person is subjected to a test, usually involving physical pain or danger, overcoming of which is taken as divine proof of innocence (freq. in ordeal by fire, etc.); (also) the right or prerogative of jurisdiction in a trial of this kind, together with the fees and profits thence accruing.

Yikes. Now we’re getting somewhere.

Now, you may be wondering why I am so interested in the definition of ordeal. Well, if we look at the first definition I mentioned, we see that, generally, an ordeal is a trying or unhappy experience. This, I feel, is close if not interchangeable with a “tale of woe.” But, I have other reasons for dedicating this entry to ordeal. I would personally like to extend the general definition of ordeal into a more specific context.

I think that anything that takes over five hours to complete should be automatically considered an ordeal. A plane trip, a car ride, an operation. Anything five hours or more = ordeal.

Furthermore, anything that normally takes a modest amount of time (certainly less than five hours) that, for some reason, takes a longer amount of time. To use a personal example, once I took my car to the car wash. This automated car wash usually only took five minutes of my time, but one day the car washer’s rollers stopped working in media res, and I was left sitting in my sudsy car for longer than the normal five minutes. In fact, it wasn’t until much later that day that I finally had a clean and dry car. Thus, an ordeal.

Finally, I think that the following should also be considered ordeals: trips to the DMV, trips to the dentist, delays at the airport, and the changing of tires. One caveat, however: if any of these things takes an inordinately short amount of time, it may not be considered an ordeal. For example: Once I went to the dentist and my appointment was cancelled. Why? Because my dental hygentist informed me that she had lost vision in her right eye. Ordeal averted!

So, in closing, ordeals no matter what the definition, usually suck. Please feel free to add any of your own definitions in the comments.