Sorry for the lack of updates; I’ve been busy with school. Please enjoy this third tale in my trilogy of embarrassing moments!

Back in high school, I had a bit of an acne problem. Sure, most high-schoolers have their share of zit troubles, but I of course fell into some unique class of pimple-faced puberty that required prescription drugs to combat my sebaceous, eruptive skin (mostly about the face). I tried numerous prescription drugs and topical creams but to no avail. Eventually, a dermatologist had to prescribe me a drug called Accutane. For those of you unfamiliar with Accutane, it’s pretty much the last-resort, end-all-be-all of acne drugs. It’s powerful stuff that more or less much halts oil production in your skin. It cleared up my acne damn well, but in the process, the drug left me dry as a desert. I was constantly applying lip balm to my chapped lips and lotion to keep my face from flaking off. The stuff even dried out the inside of my nose, for which I used to spray up my nostrils some kind of salty spray less I suffer unpredictable nose bleeds.

At any rate, despite being a crater face (with low self esteem to boot) I somehow managed to have a steady girlfriend. So, one night, as per usual on our dates, we watched a movie (VHS, of course) in my parents’ basement and then ended up making out with each other on the couch. On this particular occasion, my girlfriend was lying on her back while I kissed her ineptly from above.

Suddenly, my nose began to run. No time for that! I merely sniffed and all was well—for the moment. Then my nose ran again; and again I sniffed. But I couldn’t seem to hold whatever it was in my nose back. I kept kissing…I sniffed again…I sniffed again. Finally, I pulled back away from my girlfriend, opened my eyes and saw, oh the horror, that my nose was bleeding and blood was all over my girlfriend’s face.

“Oh, shit,” I said and covered my nose with my hand.

“What?” she asked.

“Um…” I muttered.

I don’t remember how I told her that I had bled all over her face, which ironically was the most flawless and acne-free skin I have ever seen on a girl, but she soon went to the upstairs bathroom to wash her face. In the meantime, I stopped the bleeding by pitching my head back and holding my nose. By the time my girlfriend came back downstairs, I was lying down with my face buried in a pillow, too ashamed to set my eyes upon her clean, clear face.